Hello...my name is Dreambaby

Many people have posted blogs lately about who they are. I was thinking I should introduce myself as well. I am a Lit refugee. I started at Lit about 8 years ago. I was a Hot Tub regular and then on to Playful Questions when the tub got too icky. I dabbled and blogged at 360 till it faded into the sunset. I stumbled over to the Grotto because I was looking for a place to keep in contact with friends and maybe blog and chat a bit. This Playful Questions blog is another way to keep in touch.

SO.......what to say? I thought about who I am and what I do on here. Describe myself? Hmmmmmm....
I am loyal - almost to a fault. I will stand by a friend till the cows come home. I believe in honesty. Don't lie to me. And BTW, a sin of omission is still a sin. In return, I will be honest with you. I am a romantic. I love passion.... and being passionate - about many things. I love with all I have. I like to voice. *grins* Don't expect me to tell the world about my love life. I don't kiss and tell and I expect any lovers to do the same. I am heterosexual... well... not counting my "girl crushes" on Sandra Bullock and a cheerleader I know. LOL. I guess you could call me vanilla. I like sex in the usual ways...often. I'm not into BDSM or fetishes, but I respect the rights of others to do as they wish. It's a big world.... room for everything. I read your blogs and stories and I admit some of them are pretty darn hot! I'm not submissive, though there are times when I will submit. I like give and take. Now and then, I like to take control and even better.....lose control. And for the record....I love when a man loses control. *smiles*

I am a nurse, wife, and mother of three beautiful girls. They are my life. I am mostly happy and content and I can live with that. I have a good life.

Now....all that being said.....who am I...really?

Not long ago I would have described myself as a middle aged, almost 50 yr old woman... short, 15 pounds overweight, with hair starting to turn grey around the temples. Not old, but not a spring chicken either. I wasn't looking fondly at this whole aging thing. I felt flawed. Time has taken it's normal toll on me. I have surgery scars and stretch marks, wrinkles and laugh lines, saggy parts and achey bones. I am not a "perfect" person. It's a fact that we want to hold onto our youth and beauty. Society tells us we need to. How many of us beat ourselves up every day wanting to be better than we are..sexy and beautiful to the beholder?

This past year has been a rough one for me. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last June... an aggressive, invasive cancer. I thought I was going to die.. and I still could, I guess. I have had 7 months of chemo, surgery, and am in the middle of my 6 1/2 weeks of radiation.

And what have I learned this past year from this?
Life, or better said, LIVING... is good. I took a long hard look at myself. After losing all my hair, who cares about some grey? My weight has been up and down. Who cares about a few curves? More to hold on to! I will be 48 in a couple months, but I am alive and I plan on many more birthdays to come. Age is now just a number. I have wrinkles and scars - each one from living a full life. I cherish my stretch marks that will be with me long after my babies are grown and gone. Reminders.....

A wonderful man from online has known me for a while now. He's been there through my ups and downs. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy and alive. He has kissed my scars and touched me in ways too numerous to count. He's listened to me complain and whine and go on and on about nausea and pain and hair loss and numb feet, etc etc. etc. After all this... he still sees me as a woman worth something. I hold onto that.

Yes...this is me.